RECENT

Secrets of Late Night from the Wrap Guy #3

photo courtesy of The Boston Herald

Montel Harris transferred to Temple a few days ago.

(I know.  Wipe the vomit off your keyboard.  Don’t be ashamed.)

This past May you may have thrown a shit fit, drank yourself stupid and blacked out been been a bit upset upon learning that Montel had been thrown off the football team for undisclosed reasons.  So it’s not like we can really be mad at him for transferring out of BC (we should be mad at this guy).  Regardless, it’s only right that before he suits up for another squad, we examine what may be the most lasting part of his legacy at Boston College.

Secret #3: The Legend of Montel Harris and the Grilled Chicken Breast

Tuesday night.  Spring 2011.  The legend that is Montel Harris comes strolling into Lower Live.  He approaches Center Stage, the line of students parting before him like the Red Sea.

“Do you have any grilled chicken breast?” he asks, his voice endowed with the charisma of Morgan Freeman on anabolic steroids.

“No, I’m sorry,” I reply.

“Ahh.”  He turns and leaves as majestically as he arrived, the lights flickering every time one of his unthinkably talented feet touches the floor.

You’ve done it now, I think to myself. No woman will ever love you. 

Two nights later, I arrive for my next shift at the dining hall.  There is a pan sitting where the popcorn chicken usually is, filled with pale, unfamiliar pieces of food.

“What is this?” I ask.

“Grilled chicken breast.  We serve it now,” my coworker says.  And then he relays to me the unbelievable tale of why Late Night started serving grilled chicken breast.

**************************************************************************************************************************

(Editor’s Note: There is no factual basis for anything after this point.  It is [probably] not actually true.)

A ringtone playing this song goes off in a dark Boston College Athletics office.  It is 9:30 PM.  Head football coach Frank Spaziani has been asleep for five hours, trying to watch game film. 

“Hello?” he answers.

“SPAZ.  SPAZ!  THEY DON’T SERVE GRILLED CHICKEN BREAST AT LATE NIGHT.  FIX THIS OR I’M NOT GONNA WIN ANY GAMES FOR YOU NEXT SEASON.”  Click. 

“People have no idea how hard this job is,” Spaz mumbles.  He instinctively tries to call a half back draw before realizing that football season is six months away.  Instead, he hops in his pickup truck and drives into the night towards Raleigh, North Carolina.

Twenty-seven hours and three mustache-related pit stops later, Spaz arrives outside a farm belonging to Tom O’Brien, head coach of the North Carolina State Wolfpack football team and former coach of the Boston College Eagles. 

“I swore I would never do this again,” he whispers as he takes his axe out of the bed of his truck.  He shudders as he remembers the reason behind his last journey here: BJ Raji’s dancing.  Silently, he sneaks behind the house to the chicken coop…

Thursday morning.  Spaz knocks on the door of Boston College Dining Services’ General Manager.  His eyes are bloodshot, his clothes filthy.  His mustache, however, is impeccably trimmed as always.

“Yes?” the confused GM asks as he cracks open the door. 

Spaz drops a twenty-pound bag of perfectly prepared chicken breasts onto the ground. “These are for Montel,” he says.  He turns, tries to call a half back draw, and walks out of Corcoran Commons and towards the rising sun, his mustache blowing triumphantly in the breeze. 

“For Montel,” the GM whispers as he stares at the bag, still lying untouched on the office floor.  “Of course.” 

**************************************************************************************************************************

Unbelievable, I know.  While Montel was still with the team, the story obviously had to be kept secret from the big bad NCAA.  But now, it’s only right that all of BC knows the truth.  So even though Montel is no longer with us, the next time you bite into a grilled chicken breast from the dining hall after 9 PM… remember him.

photo courtesy of http://clemson.greenvilleonline.com/media/clemson/content/photos/2011/08/01/2MontelHZ_large.jpg

(Second Editor’s Note: That story is definitely false. Like, 200%.)

Peace out from Wrap City.

Comments?  Complaints?  Follow Robert Rossi on Twitter @RVRossi

Comments

Comments

About Robert Rossi, Managing Editor, Emeritus

Rob hails from Lexington, Massachusetts and is a member of the Carroll School of Management Class of 2013, concentrating in Finance and Marketing. He joined the Gavel Media editorial board as a freshman and was Culture Editor during his sophomore year before assuming the role of Managing Editor in January 2012. He loves hip-hop, Dos Equis commercials, and talking to people about Tom Brady. Follow him on Twitter @RVRossi. Contact: Website | More Posts