Kiera O’Dwyer, A&S ’14, has been a member of DOBC since her freshman year at Boston College.  O’Dwyer, however, is no amateur when it comes to dancing.  She has been taking lessons since she was three years old, and competing since the age of five.  When she came to BC, she was lucky enough to find an outlet for her love of dance through DOBC.  Along with keeping her involved as a dancer, DOBC provided O’Dwyer with a great set of friends.  “It’s a great opportunity because you meet new people outside of your hall, people of all different years,” she said.

In preparation for the 23 different performances featured in INTRIGUE, the members of DOBC spent long hours on choreography and rehearsals.  The introduction was put together by all of the choreographers, and the finale was the work of the officers.  DOBC Director Corinne Levine, A&S ’12, choreographed two original dances on top of working on the introduction and finale.

Other members of the group have the opportunity to choreograph the rest of the numbers.  “In the beginning of the year, everyone who wants to choreograph gets to present 30 seconds of their dance to the officers,” explained O’Dwyer.  From there, the officers chose which dances to feature in the show.

The ladies of DOBC were kept quite busy with practices in the two weeks leading up to the show, according to O’Dwyer.  After having spent a month apart over winter break, there was much to catch up on, and very little time.  Luckily, their efforts paid off.  Lexi Tedesco, A&S ’14, hopes to attend more DOBC events in the future.  “I liked that it was modern but you could still see ballet and tap.  It felt like a good mix,” said Tedesco.

Regina Bellizzi, LSOE ’14, raved about her personal favorite performance, Lady Gaga’s “Americano” as choreographed by Alex Lorditch, A&S ’13.  “It was so much fun.  I wanted to get up and dance along with them!” she exclaimed.

The next dance changed the pace of the show with the Beatles’ classic “Yesterday,” choreographed by Ashley Kaner, A&S ’12.  “It brought in a new dynamic by using a red balloon as a prop.  The balloon matched all of the costumes and directed the audience’s attention to the stage,” reminisced Michela Shalvoy, LSOE ’14.

For those who missed INTRIGUE, DOBC will be performing at Boston College’s Relay for Life on February 24^th.  They also have an audition for the ALC Showdown coming up.

Some people claim to listen to or even write about music without thinking about the context.  Some people also claim to maintain civil relationships with their cheating exes, sleep eight hours the night before a midterm, and dislike Tom Brady.  They are straight up lying, or at the very least, completely delusional.  So it’s only fair that I let my feelings about Ms. Del Rey be known before offering so-called unbiased analysis of her work.

I love Lana Del Rey.  I have totally drank the Lana Kool-Aid.  I haven’t followed her career with the same devoted attention and ferocity that some other bloggers have (mainly because she doesn’t rap), but I would totally put a ring on it if I could.  Regardless of her awful SNL performance, regardless of what other people say about her, even regardless of the fact that her real name is Lizzy Grant (Lolz!), as far as I am concerned, she is a 21^st-century hipster goddess.

So, with that garbage out of the way, how is Born To Die?  Honestly, the first thought that popped into my head while listening to the album was, “wow, she is like the white female Weeknd.”  And if you know how I feel about The Weeknd (it’s very positive), you’ll know that Lana and I got off on the right foot here.  The opening title track is basically everything 21^st-century pop music has the potential to be, with symphonic synthesized strings making love to spacious, reverberated drums as Lana offers, “Come take a walk on the wild side/Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain/You like your girl’s insane” (Let me repeat that I love this woman).

The following five tracks alone set up Born To Die as the early Record To Beat for 2012.  Of those five, “Blue Jeans” and “Video Games” are the oldest, most well known, and all-around best.  Some might find lines like “You fit me better than my favorite sweater” or “Heaven is a place on Earth where you/Tell me all the things you wanna do” to be intolerably clichéd.  But those people are incapable of appreciating beauty or feeling joy.  The rest of us are more fortunate.

The second half of the disc doesn’t quite reach the same highs as the first half, but Lana has definitely found her melancholic niche revolving around self-destruction and she sticks to it.  If you’re the type of person who demands variety at the expense of cohesion, you’re basically out of luck here, but if the-album-as-a-unified-concept coherency is your cup of tea, there is very little to fault.  Sure, “I’ve got the summertime, summertime sadness” is one line repeated over and over that could sum up the entire hour-long collection.  But when the girl delivering that line could fly anywhere in the world and have the most beautiful voice in that country (as long as Adele wasn’t there) who really cares?  Pain trumps joy in the “source of compelling artwork” category every time anyway.

The only thing lacking in Born To Die is a second climax after “Video Games.”  When you’re shooting for the-album-as-a-unified-concept coherency, it’s not just enough to have 12 great songs that work together.  You’ve got to craft your work like an aural cinematic masterpiece that raises the listener’s heart rate to somewhere between “riding an exhilarating roller coaster”- and “watching Tom Brady play football”-type levels of pleasure and excitement with each passing song.  But calling this absence of perfection a “negative” is like ditching your superhot hipster fiancé at the altar because you found out she used to have a record deal and call herself something as un-badass as “Lizzy Grant.”  If there has been a better record released in 2012 so far, I haven’t heard it.

9/10

In the category of Theatrical Motion Pictures:

-The cast of “The Help” won Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture.

-Jean Dujardin won Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Lead Role for his role as George in “The Artist.”

-Viola Davis won Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role for her role as Aibileen Clark in “The Help.”

-Christopher Plummer won Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role for his role as Hal in “Beginners.”

-Octavia Spencer won Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role for her role as Minny Jackson in “The Help.”

In the category of Primetime Television:

-The cast of “Boardwalk Empire” won Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series.

-The cast of “Modern Family” won Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series.

-Steve Buscemi won Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series for his role as Enoch “Nicky” Thompson in “Boardwalk Empire.”

-Jessica Lange won Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series for her role as Constance in “American Horror Story.”

-Alec Baldwin won Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series for his role as Jack Donaghy in “30 Rock.”

-Betty White won Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series for her role as Elka Ostrovsky in “Hot in Cleveland.”

-Paul Giamatti won Outstanding Performance by a Male actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries for his role as Ben Bernanke in “Too Big To Fail.”

-Kate Winslet won Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries for her role as Mildred Pierce in “Mildred Pierce.”

In the category of SAG Awards for Stunt Ensembles:

-“Harry Potter and the Dealthy Hallows Part 2” won outstanding Performance by a Stunt Ensemble in a Motion Picture.

-“Game of Thrones” won Outstanding Performance by a Stunt Ensemble in a Television Show.

Mary Tyler Moore was awarded the 48^th Annual Lifetime Achievement Award.

- Opening title card from Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill Vol. 1.

(Editor’s Note: Play this song while reading for maximum adrenaline rush)

If you came to this article looking for unbiased analysis and predictions, go away. Ever since the final whistle of the AFC Championship, I’ve been having nightmares about Lee Evans holding onto that last catch and David Tyree actually holding onto that other last catch.

I’m not going through the farce of providing “expert” or even “sane” insight into the upcoming game.  Instead, I’m going to take the chaos dominating my mind, body and soul and look at exactly what this all means for the team, the league and my fellow Patriots fans by exploring, in-depth, the incredible amount of similarities between the Super Bowl and one of the only things that still makes any sense to my frazzled brain at the moment: Quentin Tarantino’s two-part gore-fest, Kill Bill.

On January 17^th, Jerry Thornton of the greatest blog of all time Boston sports blog Boston Barstool Sports posted the most brilliant observation of the football season:

“During the Bradichick Dynasty, the Patriots have lost exactly 5 postseason games.  In order they were to: Denver (2005), Indianapolis (2006), the Giants (2007), Baltimore (2009) and the Jets (2010).  And while again- I can’t stress this enough, knocking wood, crossing all crossable parts- they have a chance in this one season to get revenge on all of them.” (Read the full post here.)

He goes on to explain exactly how the Patriots would have gotten their revenge on all five teams, comparing it to the climactic scene in The Godfather, where (extreme spoiler alert!) Michael Corleone orchestrates the simultaneous killings of the heads of his five rival mafia families in New York City.

While the genius of this analogy is undeniable, Kill Bill works even better for reasons that will be revealed.  And even if you’ve never seen Kill Bill, or seen it and somehow didn’t enjoy it, take solace in the presentation of something to distract you from the constant pain in your stomach that wasn’t there before the playoffs started.  Without giving too much away, I’ll just preface it by saying that this analogy is basically meant to underscore that this is literally the most important football game in New England history. Now, without further ado:

KILL BILL VOLS. 1 & 2 – STARRING THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 

(Directed by Bill Belichick)

Kill Bill revolves around the story of The Bride (played by Uma Thurman in the film but the Pats in this analogy). She seeks revenge on the Death List Five, five assassins who tried to kill her on her wedding day but instead placed her into a four-year coma (the amount of time since Super Bowl XLII and the Pats’ last pre-2012 playoff win).  These assassins (AKA the five teams to beat the Pats in the playoffs) eventually come face-to-face with The Bride’s bloodthirsty wrath and suffer violent deaths befitting anyone who would dare deny the Patriots the Lombardi Trophy.

The opening scene in Kill Bill depicts The Bride being shot in the head on her wedding day by the title character after he has massacred the entire ceremony.  If there is a better cinematic metaphor for what the Giants did to the Patriots perfect season four years ago, I haven’t seen it.

Victim #2

Fast forward years later, with The Bride arriving at the house of Vernita Green.  Green is one of the four assassins present along with Bill on the fateful day that triggers the ensuing orgy of violence.  The Bride and Green have a crazy kung-fu battle in the living room that ends with Green getting a knife in the chest as her little daughter watches helplessly in the hallway.  Who is Vernita Green?  Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos, of course!  Sure, the Pats had to destroy them, but can you really deny feeling a little sorry watching Tim Tebow’s postgame press conference, after the last bit of his confidence was ripped to shreds by the Pats’ d-line?  No, no you can’t, or else you are soulless and therefore a Jets fan.

The film then flashes back to The Bride while she is still in her hospital bed in a coma.  A little while after snapping back into consciousness, she hears some perverted orderly saying a bunch of disgusting things about her to one of his friends (look up the nauseating specifics yourself).  The Bride rips one guy’s tongue out and literally bashes the other one’s brains in.  These two head cases represent all of the sports media talking heads that spent the past four years championing the alleged death of the Patriots dynasty.  Mua, ha, ha.

Victim #1

After a training period to get back in shape and re-hone her skills (think of this as last offseason), The Bride travels to Japan and confronts the head of the Tokyo Yakuza and one of her would-have-been killers, O-Ren Ishii.  Our heroine has to kick the crap out of the don’s “Crazy 88” kung-fu army and deal with her psychotic personal bodyguard before getting to scalp the “actually pretty wimpy without my 100 security guards” Ishii in a snow-filled garden.  Like The Bride’s first revenge target, the Pats’ first victims also talked much tougher than they walked (if you can recall that far back).  Remember every ridiculous thing New York Jets coach Rex Ryan has ever said about the Patriots?  Remember how they didn’t even make the playoffs?  Remember how they would’ve if the Patriots hadn’t brutalized them twice in 2011?  Life is good.  End Vol. 1.

The first old foe The Bride goes after in Vol. 2 is Bill’s brother Budd.  Budd is a rundown, pathetic shell of a man, living alone in a trailer out in the desert, working part time at a strip club (if you haven’t figured out who this is, that’s just ignorant).  Budd manages to actually bury The Bride alive, but like the Patriots, she is more resilient than her opponent thinks.  While she struggles to survive in a homemade coffin, Budd tries to sell the sword he stole from her to one of their old partners, and in the process gets bitten in the head and neck (the NECK) by a black mamba, which kills him.

Victim #3

Needless to say, Budd is Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts, the Pats’ once-formidable rivals who, due to Peyton’s season-erasing neck injury, finished dead last in the league.  Not only did the Patriots beat the Colts earlier this season, but the Super Bowl is being played in, you guessed it, Indianapolis!  You could literally not have paired a better opponent and location for this game.  But we’ll get there.

Anyway, Budd’s killer is Elle Driver, Bill’s most ruthless assassin, the one who plays dirtiest and is to be most feared.  The Bride arrives back at Budd’s trailer to find Elle, and after a lengthy, grueling duel, rips out her (only) eye and leaves her bleeding to death with the snake.

Victim #4

The Baltimore Ravens, boasting one of the most intimidating defenses in the NFL for more than a decade, were the team that all season scared Patriots fans the most.  But as any Ravens fan will tell you, Baltimore suffered the football equivalent of having their eyes ripped out and being bitten by a poisonous serpent in the AFC Championship when Lee Evans dropped that catch and Billy Cundiff missed wide left.  After Ray Lewis speared Tom Brady on that go-ahead touchdown leap, however, I’m beyond convinced that the devastating ending was karma at work, pure and simple.

Now, if you’ve seen Vol. 2, you know that the climax of the story comes when The Bride arrives at Bill’s house, comes face to face with their daughter B.B., then kills Bill using the legendary Five-Point-Palm-Exploding-Heart-Technique.  If you haven’t seen Vol. 2, the Five-Point-Palm-Exploding-Heart-Technique is a rapid-fire motion you enact on your opponent’s chest that will cause his heart to explode after he moves five steps.

BILL

Obviously, Bill represents the New York Giants (whose quarterback, Eli Manning, is brothers with Peyton, earlier ascribed the role of Bill’s brother Budd.  Is this analogy not insane???).  In 2008, the Giants metaphorically shot the Patriots in the head and took their baby (the Lombardi Trophy, or, Most Rewarding Super Bowl Victory of All Time status, take your pick) and have literally done nothing but wait for the Pats to come calling these past four years.  A Patriots victory would complete the epic revenge saga, put the Five-Point-Palm-Exploding-Heart-Technique on the collective chest of the evil New Yorkers, and go down as an incredible finish to one of the greatest storylines in NFL history.

As for a loss?  Well… let’s just hope we go down with as much dignity as this guy.  But don’t let negativity ruin the buildup to the most important football game of your life.  Because remember, THIS is how it feels to play against us.

James enjoyed a successful 49-year long career singing a variety of blues, rhythm and blues, soul, jazz, gospel, and rock and roll songs.  Some of her most popular songs include “I’d Rather Go Blind,” “At Last,” “Tell Mama,” and “Dance With Me, Henry.”  Over the course of her career, she won six Grammys and seventeen Blues Music Awards.  She was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the Grammy Hall of Fame, and the Blues Hall of Fame.  James was ranked number 22 on Rolling Stone’s list of 100 Greatest Singers of All Time and number 62 on their list of 100 Greatest Artists.  James was credited with successfully bridging the gap between rhythm and blues and rock and roll over the development of her career, and has influenced a number of other American singers.

In2003 the Grammy Awards program book printed a tribute to James in honor of her Lifetime Achievement Award that stated, “Etta has won our hearts by putting her own into every captivating syllable…Etta was a young black woman in a business that, at the time, was especially hard on both blacks and women.  Yet through the road shows of the ’50s and ’60s, through the evolutionary years of soul music and rock and roll, through her reign as the queen of the famed Chess Records label, through lean times and golden years, Etta James endured and triumphed without compromising her honesty or the pure joy she feels making music.”

In the tribute, James professed, “I sing what I feel — R&B, blues, gospel, and rock and roll, the music that came out of the South.  That’s the music that I have always believed in.”

James was born Jamesetta Hawkins on January 25, 1938 in Los Angelos, California.  She learned to sing in her church choir and started recording songs and touring with a girl-group called the Peaches at the age of fifteen.  In the late fifties she left the Peaches to focus on her solo career.  She married Artis Miller in 1969 and they had two sons named Donto and Sametto.  Both sons started performing with their mother in 2003.  James died surrounded by her family at Riverside Community Hospital in Riverside, California.

Before delving in, two things need to be noted: One, I only included hip-hop releases for which I published reviews (sorry Kendrick Lamar fans) both for convenience and consistency’s sake and as a way of evaluating myself as a reviewer.  And two, I was unfortunately not able to wait for the December 31st release of Waka Flocka Flame’s Triple F: Friends, Fans And Family which would have singlehandedly taken up every spot on the list (note: if you didn’t get that joke… go away.)  So without further ado:

THE TOP 10 HIP-HOP RELEASES OF 2011:

10. 50 Cent – The Big 10 (mixtape, released December 9^th.  Download it for free here.)

What I said then: “It’s hard to describe the beats on the album with any phrase besides “f*cking hard” so I’m not even going to bother. 50 goes Jason Voorhees on about every one, and if the line above isn’t enough to convince you then maybe you should try another genre of music, like mash-ups of Ryan Cabrera and Vanessa Carlton.”

What I say now: Well, it hasn’t been very long so my feelings about the tape haven’t really changed.  The one thing I would add is that you don’t really need this tape if you haven’t yet reached “I’ve listened to this WAY too many times to ever enjoy it again” mode with Get Rich Or Die Tryin’.  Also, as if this whole exercise wasn’t self-congratulatory enough, I’d like to point out that even when I’m writing for websites with no affiliation with Boston College whatsoever, I still throw in jokes about free concerts that happened on our campus.

9. J. Cole – Cole World: The Sideline Story (album, released September 27^th)

What I said then: “The fact that the only other contender for “best song on the disc” is another previously released song, Friday Night Lights’ ‘In The Morning,’ is the perfect example of why Cole World is both great and somewhat disappointing. None of the tracks would immediately disqualify the track from ‘classic’ status, but at the same time none are the transcendent climaxes that need to appear a few times on a truly legendary album.”

What I say now: I’ve re-listened to both Cole World and Friday Night Lights a few times since CW dropped, and each time I’ve played either one I become more and more convinced that I wasn’t harsh enough in my CW review.  Yeah, the album is solid output by Random Rapper X’s standards, but as time has passed, it’s become increasingly obvious that it falls well short of the bar set by Friday Night Lights.  I’d compare Cole World to The Matrix Reloaded, in that it’s not a crappy movie, but it is nowhere near as timeless, inspired or simply awesome as its predecessor.  It’s still good enough to crack the top 10, but we were all definitely expecting it to compete for #1 before it dropped.

8. The Roots – undun (album, released December 2^nd)

What I said then: “After half an hour of sublime lyricism, undun could’ve used something more Rootsy and less artistic-with-a-capital-A to provide the finale. It’s about the musical equivalent of dumping caviar onto a fillet mignon. It’s no longer flawless, but you’d still be a fool for passing it up.”

What I say now: That “dumping caviar onto a fillet mignon” line needs further explanation: I would definitely not pass up a fillet mignon covered with caviar, at least not the first time it was offered to me.  This isn’t because I expect myself to entirely appreciate it, but because it’s ridiculously highbrow and I could tell people about it to make myself appear sophisticated.  That’s pretty much what listening to undun is like.  For most people it would take months to really get everything that’s going on here lyrically, but they would at least realize that those lyrics are very high class.  However, ending your lyrically dense hip-hop concept album about death told in reverse chronological order with a four-piece Coltrane-esque piece that involves Sufjan Stevens is probably even more than ridiculously highbrow.  Still, telling people you digested and enjoyed the latest Roots release is guaranteed credibility in hip-hop circles, and saying otherwise is a great way to look foolish.

(And no I’m not just saying that to look legit.)

7. Yelawolf – Radioactive (album, released November 21^st)

What I said then: “I’d feel dirty if I wrote three paragraphs about this album without using the term ‘pissed off.’  How else can you describe someone who claims to be ‘the American Eagle’ who got ‘sent to hell and shit on the Devil?’”

What I say now: I still think it’s borderline-sinful to mention Yelawolf without using the phrase “pissed off,” and when he hits 10 on the Anger Scale this album fires on all cylinders.  But, perhaps out of fear of what might happen to me should Yelawolf ever actually read my review, I definitely did not emphasize how forced and out of place a few of those ballads feel.  Hopefully whatever record exec forced Yela into recording them will let the Wolf off the chain for his next album.

6. Rihanna – Talk That Talk (album, released November 21^st)

What I said then: “The tracks on the 11-song, 37-minutes-and-change TTT can neatly be divided into three categories: ‘Bangers I will hear on the radio 50 times in the upcoming year,’ ‘Ballads,’ and ‘Filler that I would skip if not for the so-sexual-they-will-offend-my-neighbors-in-hysterical-fashion lyrics.’”

What I say now: For the record, here’s how the categories break down: Bangers I will hear on the radio 50 times in the upcoming year (6): “You Da One,” “Where Have You Been,” “We Found Love” (insert checkmark here), “Talk That Talk,” “Drunk On Love,” “Roc Me Out.”  Ballads (2): “We All Want Love,” “Farewell.”  Filler that I would skip if not for the so-sexual-they-will-offend-my-neighbors-in-hysterical-fashion lyrics (3): “Cockiness (Love It),” “Birthday Cake,” “Watch n’ Learn.”  3 out of 11 may seem a high filler ratio for a 4/5 star album, but those lyrics are really, really entertaining.  At least, I definitely think so… moving on!

5. Common – The Dreamer/The Believer (album, released December 20^th)

What I said then: “Common delivers ridiculous verse after ridiculous verse, pausing only to let No I.D.’s brilliant vocal samples handle chorus duties. Every track is a lyrical tour de force (well, except ‘Windows,’ which we’ll pretend never happened, and the last one, which is just a spoken-word piece from Common’s father. Who used to play in the NBA!). However, arguing about whether he out-raps Jay-Z or Kanye is missing the point of the record: ‘Ali MC, I fight for more than the title,’ he raps on ‘Gold.’  With an album full of lyrics like these, does it even matter whether or not he gets it?”

What I say now: This album came out less than two weeks ago, so I haven’t really had any major epiphanies about it since then.  I’m realizing that so far this list is really bottom heavy with regards to the calendar.  I’ve got a few explanations for this:

1. Record companies typically prefer to release their biggest sellers in the fourth quarter because (duh!) that’s when Christmas is.
2. Nobody wanted to bother engaging in a sales war with the three biggest names in hip-hop (Jay-Z, Kanye West and Lil’ Wayne) during August.
3. Audiocred didn’t hire me to write two hip-hop reviews a week until that same month.  Which means that I still reviewed the biggest drops of the year (such as Bad Meets Evil’s disc, which missed the cut), but missed out on some other releases that could’ve squeaked into the top ten (*braces self for barrage of pissed-off emails from Kendrick Lamar fans*).

Anyway, it turns out that after I published my review of The Dreamer/The Believer, Common went on record claiming that some of the lyrics were insults aimed specifically at Drake.  My reaction shifted from “Really?” to “Why?” before finally settling on “This is probably the most boring and least gangster feud in hip-hop history.”

4. Lil’ Wayne – Tha Carter IV (album, released August 29^th)

What I said then: “Tha Carter IV is a great album with some admittedly strange missteps and decisions (like completely omitting Wayne from two tracks).  But is it good enough to justify starting rap’s biggest beef in years?  We’ll have to wait and see.”

What I say now: I think it’s fair to say that I thought this album was better than most other people did.  It definitely wasn’t as good as Tha Carter III, but as I wrote back in August, how many albums are?  I think the incredibly angry reaction against C4 from some circles is more indicative of a change in our public perception of Lil’ Wayne than a large drop in the quality of his music.  Because this is my list and this is the Internet, where page limits do not exist, allow me to examine in-depth why so many people wanted to take the top selling hip-hop album of the year and eradicate its existence from the face of the Earth:

A BRIEF HISTORY OF WEEZY F. BABY AND HOW WE SEE HIM:

• 1998: Has that goofy verse at the end of “Back That Azz Up.”  Is 17.  Nobody really cares.
•  1999-2003: Does some “Cash Money shit.”
• 2004: Releases Tha Carter.  The disc sells 100,000+ copies in its first week on the strength of his first             solo hit, “Go DJ.” Does that song “Soldier” with Destiny’s Child where he rhymes “hide” and “camouflage,” which he would never get away with now.
• 2005: Releases Tha Carter II, which sells even more copies than its predecessor.  Declares himself “the best rapper alive.”  Throws hissy fit when nobody agrees.
• 2006-2007: Embarks on a lyrical spaz attack that is, statistically, the most H.A.M. microphone murder spree recorded in hip-hop history since 2Pac got out of prison in 1995.  Releases (approximately) 6,000 mixtapes and makes (about) 3 million guest appearances.  Everyone agrees to agree that Wayne, both despite and because of his willingness to write lyrics like “ I love brain, I need a leech,” is indeed a beast.  This begins the “Modern Era” of radio, in which pop and hip-hop stations are forbidden from going more than 20 minutes without playing Wayne’s voice.
• 2008: Releases Tha Carter III.  The world explodes and buys more than 1 million copies of it in its first week.  Everyone agrees that Wayne is indeed “the Best Rapper Alive” and Kanye West responds by releasing an album on which he does not rap.  This is basically the moment where Wayne goes from “an up-and-comer with limitless potential” to “a megastar who has realized his potential and conquered the game” in the public eye.  AKA peaking.
• 2009: Realizing he needs to “re-invent himself” in order to keep from “getting stale,” announces he will record a rock album.  Makes everyone forget by signing Drake.  Somehow finds time to record 3 million more guest spots. We are getting a little sick of his guest spots, which are becoming increasingly and increasingly phoned-in.
• 2010: Follows through on threat to release rock album.  Gets sent to prison as punishment.  Someone steals 9 songs from his trash bin, packages them with “Right Above It,” and releases the collection as I Am Not A Human Being.  Still somehow finds way to make his annual 3 million guest spots, despite being in prison.
• 2011: Fresh out of prison, reverts to his ’08 formula with about 80% of the charisma and none of the “We’ve never seen a rapper like THIS before” factor.  Also forgets to remind everyone that he is still “the best rapper alive.”  Fans of Jay-Z and Kanye West pounce on the opportunity and repeatedly kick Twitter in the balls with the #ThingsBetterThanTheCarterIV hashtag, which upsets Weezy mainly because they correctly spell the word he wants misspelled.  Reviewers, being giant wimps, publish reviews reflecting views of WTT fanboys.  The rest of the country ignores them and C4 outsells every hip-hop record of 2011.  Fanboys respond by saying Birdman somehow bought all of them.

So, there you have it.

3. Jay-Z & Kanye West – Watch The Throne (album, released August 8, 2011)

What I said then: “Throne is at the end of day what it theoretically should be.  It’s a great work of art from two of the greatest artists in their field.  Better than what most anyone else could do, but not as good as what either of its creators is capable of when not sharing the stage with someone who commands equal attention from the listener.  The Throne definitely belongs to these two at the moment, but WTT doesn’t quite knock out every challenger to it.”

What I say now: GQ magazine described this album as “two grandiose motherfuckers exploring the theme of grandiose-motherfuckerdom,” which is a phrase everyone in the world should read out loud at least once.  It’s also very accurate.  The duo tries very hard to balance social consciousness with unashamed self-glorification, and in fairness they do it better than anyone who’s ever attempted it before. That said, the hyperbole surrounding this record gets a bit out of control when people run around throwing out phrases like “legendary” when Kanye himself released a significantly better album less than a year before.  “N-Words In Paris” is a great record, but how insane are these concertgoers who enjoy listening to it six times in a row in concert?  Didn’t My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy have at least two better songs?  Maybe three?  Can we shoot for four???  In that respect, the idea of this album skewed the ability of most people to properly evaluate the album itself, kind of like the 2011 Miami Heat.  Don’t get me wrong though; this record holds up extremely well after repeated listens, and I don’t have it ranked #3 as a concession to anybody.  So if this write-up comes off as overly negative, just pretend it’s about Chris Bosh; it’s great no doubt, but it’s not of the same transcendent status as the top two on this roster.

2. Drake – Take Care (album, released November 15^th)

What I said then: “It’s obviously too early to say that this will be an immeasurably influential or a landmark album, but it’s also obvious that Drake is not just headed down a different path from the rest of his piers, he’s on a different plane. From the opening piano chord of ‘Over My Dead Body’ to the last choral swirl of ‘The Ride,’ there is not a moment when either genuine artistry or mainstream accessibility overwhelms the other and breaks the perfect balance struck between the pair in genius works of pop music…Obviously this isn’t technically official until January 1, 2012, but I’d feel dishonest if I didn’t immediately brand this my pick for RAP ALBUM OF THE YEAR 2011.”

What I say now: Well, it’s only December 31, 2011 but pardon me for jumping the gun and saying, yeah I was spot on in picking this as RAP ALBUM OF THE YEAR 2011 (what? It’s only #2! We’ll get to that…).  Can we properly appreciate what Drake did with this disc?  He put out 20 songs (that technically outlast the length storable on one disc so I use the word loosely), most of which deal with topics that most people kind of assumed were totally off-limits for a rapper.  And he somehow did this without a “Lift Off”-type abomination (regarding the WTT vs. TC debate that dominated 2011: one of these albums had “Lift Off” and one didn’t.  That should end the discussion).  In fact, the track list was so consistent that you could easily ask 10 people to name their favorite track off the album and get 10 different answers (Mine? “Over My Dead Body.” No, “Headlines.”  No, “The Ride.” Ahh, fuck it).  I truly believe that in a few years’ time, we’ll look back at the road mainstream hip-hop has gone down and easily identify Drake as the key player that set it on its course, with Take Care being the point of no return.  But the craziest thing is that Take Care might not have even been Drake’s biggest contribution to hip-hop in 2011.  It might’ve been his role in launching 2011’s breakout artist into the public consciousness, the same artist holding down our #1 spot…

1. The Weeknd – House Of Balloons, Thursday & Echoes Of Silence (mixtapes, released March 21^st, August 19^th & December 21^st.  Download them for free here.)

What I said then, then and then:

• “House Of Balloons is the most fully realized artistic vision to emerge in pop music so far this year.  An instant classic, it will undoubtedly stand up with So Far Gone and Friday Night Lights as monumental turning points in both the prevailing worldviews in hip-hop and the way unknown artists reach the masses.  Written descriptions of either the music or the buzz it caused do justice only to the latter.  Music this good should not be free, but it is, so do yourself a favor, and download.”

• “Is Thursday as good as House Of Balloons?  House Of Balloons keeps getting better with every new listen, and Thursday is no different, so it wouldn’t even be right to answer the question within 48 hours of Thursday’s release.  No… there is little to question about Thursday.  Except this: with music this good available legally for free, how are other artists getting away with charging anything for theirs?”

• “I can’t help but wonder what the future holds for The Weeknd. The large part of me hopes and expects him to continue producing quality work for years to come. However, if he vanished from music in a Lauryn Hill-esque fashion, no one could say that he didn’t leave his mark. When taken as one work (which it really is), The Weeknd’s trilogy is a 145-minute masterpiece that will undoubtedly stand the test of time.  Echoes Of Silence is a haunting finale devoid of virtually nothing except disappointment.”

What I say now: Okay, so I totally cheated and put three different releases as my pick for #1.  You know what?  Deal with it.  I’m close to running out of ways to describe how much I love this trilogy… except not really.  This music is so beautiful that I would divorce my still-imaginary wife if she told me she didn’t like it.  I want this music playing in the church, at the reception, and throughout the night in the honeymoon suite on my wedding day.  I will openly confess that abstracting so much pleasure from music so seductive and lyrics so filthy makes me question whether or not I have a soul.  If you haven’t been fortunate enough to hear these records yet, I understand if these 400-and-counting words have given you zero indication of what to expect other than something that makes me write insane things down in a Microsoft Word document and then publish them on the Internet for the entire world to see.  But if you have been fortunate enough to hear these records (and YOU’RE WELCOME if I had anything to do with it), you know exactly what I’m talking about.  There’s not much left to say except for thank you, Abel Tesfaye.  This was definitely your year.  If 2012 does indeed bring about the end of the world, at least we have the trilogy for the soundtrack.

Questions?  Comments?  Complaints?  Leave a comment and/or tweet them to me @RVRossi.