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The Unsolicited Celebrity Advice Column: Lil Wayne

Dear Lil Wayne,

Have you ever tried to reason with a 4-year-old tantrum-prone child?

If not, let me fill you in.  There is nothing more frustrating.  They talk back, they refuse to listen, and they’re stubborn for the sake of being stubborn.  Luckily, most children outgrow this kind of behavior by the time they can count their age on both hands.

And then there’s you.


First of all, you owe me and 2,541+ other YouTube users 5 minutes and 21 seconds of our lives.  That video was pure unadulterated garbage and I watched the whole goddamn thing.

Secondly, never try to outsmart a lawyer.

Example: when he asked you, “Isn’t it something that you would remember if your album Tha Carter III was the biggest selling album in 2008?”, you seem to have interpreted him to have been saying, “Isn’t it something?” in the “Isn’t it interesting?” way.

Which he wasn’t.  But you spent the next 35 seconds trying to throw it in his face that he had asked “a personal opinion-type question,” finally answering his question with a “Yes.”

Clearly you wanted to be anywhere but that courtroom, so here is your first piece of advice: if you want to expedite a process, don’t waste solid chunks of time dragging out a conversation.

Third of all, you remember having been arrested.  At the very least, you remember being in jail.  Acting like you forget what happened won’t erase it from your prison record.

Finally, what is this “He can’t save you” nonsense?  Are you trying to be tough?  Are you trying to make a threat?  I really just don’t know, which means the lawyer didn’t know either.

In conclusion, you sound like a kid in detention for trying to impress his classmates by putting a whoopee cushion on the teacher’s chair.  Knock it off.

Unsolicitedly yours,


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School, major and year: A&S, English and communication, 2014

Hometown: Acton, MA, but my parents recently moved to Beacon Hill, which is way cooler.

What makes the Gavel so BANGin’? Everyone is just the perfect amount of weird. It is one of very few environments in which I don't feel like the weirdest person in the room.
If you could go back in time and give yourself a pep talk the night before you moved into BC as a freshman, what is the most important piece of advice that you would give to your former self? I would offer myself a friendly reminder that everyone comes to college friend-less, and therefore looking for friends. Before coming to BC, I pictured myself eating every meal in solitude because I forgot that I wasn't the only person who would be entering day one without really knowing anybody. That was silly of me.
What is your favorite study spot on campus? Stuart law classrooms.
What is your go-to meal at Late Night? Mozzarella sticks.
What is the #1 most played song on your iTunes? "Gong Li" -- Red Hot Chili Peppers.
What is the best Halloween costume that you have ever worn? I was a Hershey's kiss as a toddler. Aaaaaand I rocked it.
If you could befriend the main characters from any TV show or movie, who would you choose and why? "The Office," because I have always thought that Jim and Pam would appreciate my sense of humor.