The Unsolicited Celebrity Advice Column: Lindsay Lohan

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

It’s October 3rd and  I’ve been putting this off for long enough.  We need to talk.

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Do you even remember making "Mean Girls"?  Do you even remember the last, oh, I don’t know, five years of your life?

You can’t pretend that you don’t understand the effects of alcohol.

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Or the fact that crack is, in fact, whack.

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Still, you’ve been in and out of rehab five times, costing an estimated $150,000.  Of course, as a former A-list celebrity, this kind of money probably isn’t an issue for you, right?  Wrong.  Because if you had any money, you wouldn’t feel the need to consistently steal jewelry.

Do you think you deserve it because you’re, like, really pretty?

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You’re spiraling out of control.  Scratch that, you’re post-spiral.  Yet somehow, people still allow you to get behind the wheel, in spite of your bajillion car accidents.  Didn’t you learn your lesson the hard way when Regina got hit by the bus?

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I know you’re trying to play the innocent victim card and act like everybody is trying to ruin your life because you aren’t Amanda Bynes, but stop faking, you dirty little liar.

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I just can’t do it anymore.  I used to be a huge fan of yours in eighth grade. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever.

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Unsolicitedly yours,

Jenna

School, major and year: A&S, English and communication, 2014

Hometown: Acton, MA, but my parents recently moved to Beacon Hill, which is way cooler.

What makes the Gavel so BANGin’? Everyone is just the perfect amount of weird. It is one of very few environments in which I don't feel like the weirdest person in the room.
If you could go back in time and give yourself a pep talk the night before you moved into BC as a freshman, what is the most important piece of advice that you would give to your former self? I would offer myself a friendly reminder that everyone comes to college friend-less, and therefore looking for friends. Before coming to BC, I pictured myself eating every meal in solitude because I forgot that I wasn't the only person who would be entering day one without really knowing anybody. That was silly of me.
What is your favorite study spot on campus? Stuart law classrooms.
What is your go-to meal at Late Night? Mozzarella sticks.
What is the #1 most played song on your iTunes? "Gong Li" -- Red Hot Chili Peppers.
What is the best Halloween costume that you have ever worn? I was a Hershey's kiss as a toddler. Aaaaaand I rocked it.
If you could befriend the main characters from any TV show or movie, who would you choose and why? "The Office," because I have always thought that Jim and Pam would appreciate my sense of humor.

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