We’ve all been confronted by the celebrity-child phenomenon. Maybe you’ve noticed that Suri Cruise is featured more prominently in the news than President Barack Obama or that Mason Disick is on more magazine covers than Kate Middleton and Prince Charles — and that is saying something. Evidently, the children of celebrities don’t stay anonymous for long. With their (typically) perfect blend of genetics, access to limitless funds, and awesome parents, a life of fame is already, pretty much, in the (extremely expensive) bag. But some of these “celebabies” — see what I did there…? — will rise higher than the rest.
In light of the currently fetal addition to Britain’s royal family, here are five American youngsters who will surely grow to take over Hollywood’s most noble seats.
1. Suri Cruise
Suri Cruise is the Queen Bee of celebabies; the Blair Waldorf of Hollywood. She’s going to be famous because, let's be honest, girl wouldn’t settle for anything less. But seriously, the way I see it, Suri’s only true path is to stardom. With Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes for parents, Suri’s future can go one of three ways. The first possibility is that she becomes a famous movie star, like her father. With her good looks and diva mentality, this seems likely. The second possibility is that she starts her own fashion line, or takes over her mother’s. Whether she likes it or not, Suri is making waves in the baby fashion world so she might as well embrace it. The third possibility is that she takes her father’s beliefs to the next level and becomes a famous scientology leader. I’m sincerely hoping that the latter is not the case. Regardless of the path Suri chooses, no one will get in the way of her rise to the top with looks like hers.
2. The Brangelina Bunch
Let’s face it- Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh, Knox and Vivienne are the real life “modern family.” Growing up in a household that is reminiscent of a Model UN conference with parents like Pitt and Jolie can only lead to one outcome: complete awesomeness. But these kids aren’t suited for Hollywood — that is far too shallow for this clan. They are bound for greatness. I envision these six future visionaries banding together to create some sort of world changing, non-profit organization. (Side note- some of them will likely end up with awesome tattoos that no one understands.)
3. Mason Disick
Mason Disick is only three years old, and yet he has more swag than most people I know. With his great sense of style and superior flow, he will rule the reality TV world much like Suri Cruise will rule Hollywood. I’m thinking of a show entitled The Deets on the Disicks (I know… I’m clever). As long as America remains infatuated with his family, Mason Disick will be famous. With the Kardashian clan around him at all times, I imagine that he will grow up to be quite a character- perfect for reality television. Let’s just hope he isn’t too much like his father, Scott Disick.
4. Blue Ivy Carter
Beyoncé and Jay-Z may be doing everything they can to keep their new daughter out of the spotlight, but this celebaby is going to be legendary. I know that this prediction is a bit premature seeing as she isn’t even a year old, but I think we should just accept her future awesomeness as a fact. First of all, her name is Blue Ivy Carter. That name in itself is enough to make a girl famous. What does it mean? No one is quite sure. But we’ll keep trying to figure it out, won’t we? Second of all, her parents are Beyoncé and Jay-Z. Does it get any better than that? Girl’s got some big shoes to fill, and also some flawless genetics. She’ll be a singer or producer or some combination of the two. Whatever makes her the least blue… get it?.
5. Willow Smith
Ok, I know that Willow Smith is already semi-famous and she is barely a child but I think this is just the beginning of a long life in the spotlight for her. And I mean that in the worst way possible. Within 10 years, Willow Smith will make her transformation into the next Lindsay Lohan. Looking for evidence of her future destruction? Check out her hit single “Whip My Hair.” Any 11 year old that is concerned with “keeping the party jumping,” ignoring “them haters,” and “pulling up” in a car (that she can’t legally drive) is going to have some problems down the line. Willow has a case of untimely maturation — a sad reality faced by many celebrity children. In 10 years, I see her in and out of rehab wearing the same indie band t-shirt. One possible benefit from all of this: maybe she’ll end up publishing a book about her “struggles” to be an individual in Hollywood. Really, Willow? Is this a cry for help?