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"How I Met Your Mother" Episode 13: Band or DJ?

“How I Met Your Mother” is back after the winter finale! A lot happened over the short hiatus, including the announcement of a ninth season. When Jason Segel renewed his contract for the show, the writers went ahead and unofficially (soon-to-be officially) finalized a ninth season. Um, what?!

I’m sorry, writers, but have you not been pulling at our heart strings, dragging us through this season’s storyline, which uncannily seems like the end? As much as I would love a continuation of “How I Met Your Mother,” I don’t think I can handle another season of mystery. I need to know who the mother is. I just need to know. Maybe the ninth season will be the start of Ted and the mother’s life together? Anyway, I have some things to say about this last episode so I will hereafter cut off my rant about the ninth season.

For starters, Robin’s dad is like a cross between Alan Thicke and Marlon Brando in “The Godfather.” If we’re being real here, if an actual person had the daddy-daughter history that Robin has with her father, that girl would be a lot more messed up than Robin.

Barney, on the other hand, should be running for the hills at this point. If Robin’s dad (who I’m really tempted to call Mr. Sparkles) is already forcing Barney to dye his hair to a “real man’s color” and whatnot before he is even married to Robin, the possibilities of post-marriage miseries are endless.

Screenshot by Kara Weeks/Gavel Media

Screenshot by Kara Weeks/Gavel Media

Given the fact that we finally saw the much-anticipated engagement of Barney and Robin, Ted’s “I still love Robin but she doesn’t love me” spiel made me want to jump through the TV and slap the internal tears and lonely self-pity right out of Ted.

Really, writers, we’re hearing this again? Can you make it more obvious that you are running out of ideas? If they carry on with a ninth season and recycle this Ted bit yet again, they might have to re-evaluate their purpose in life. Ok, that’s extreme, but maybe their purpose in TV.

Screenshot by Kara Weeks/Gavel Media

Screenshot by Kara Weeks/Gavel Media

Ted’s flashbacks of physically painful experiences (which apparently felt like nothing in comparison to  Robin's engagement to Barney) are pretty melodramatic. I would much rather watch the woman I love who rejected me for years get engaged to another man than get attacked by a goat or spill hot soup on my bare chest. Anyway, once again Ted gets over it by the end of the episode.

The side bit about Baby Marvin being constipated was interesting. The blast of “confetti” that exploded all over Marshall when the issue was resolved was pretty nasty, though. On a different note, apparently Lily hates being a mother sometimes. I would too if I could potentially get covered in fecal matter.

Screenshot by Kara Weeks/Gavel Media

Screenshot by Kara Weeks/Gavel Media

That’s all for this week! Tune in Monday at 8pm on CBS for next week’s episode.

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