You can’t dance.
I know it. You know it. You spend your weekends grinding up against some stranger’s awkwardly gyrating hips in a Mod and calling it “dancing.” This is a hideous insult to the art of dance and you should be ashamed!
With the ALC Showdown coming up this Saturday, many of us will realize that dancing is an incredibly difficult art form that requires extreme coordination and skill. This realization will probably also be coupled with feelings of awe, insecurity, and a sudden desire to take dance lessons ASAP so you can stop looking like Carlton Banks from “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” whenever your favorite song comes on.
I realize that some of us are not as rhythmically gifted as others. But just because you may have been born with “two left feet” does not mean you’re doomed to a life of standing up against the wall like you’re glued to the ground, nodding your head along with the music. Here’s a list of classic songs that literally teach you how to dance. Listen to this playlist and with some practice, you too will be able to bust a move with the best of them.
10. YMCA – The Village People
Let’s start off with one of the most iconic dance crazes of all time. This song taught you how to make your body spell out words. Make sure to put that in the “Special Skills” section of your resume.
9. Pop, Lock & Drop It – Huey
One dance. Three moves. Countless future knee problems.
8. Milkshake – Kelis
Alright fine, maybe this song doesn’t teach you how to dance, but it reinforces the fact that as long as you learn how to shake it, you won’t be able to remove all of those pesky boys from your yard.
7. Crank That (Soulja Boy) – Soulja Boy Tell’em
If you went to middle school dances, you knew this dance. You owned this dance. It’s like a swagged out version of the “Cotton Eyed Joe.” Your “Superman” move was the best in the land. And no matter how much you deny liking this song, you secretly loved doing this dance.
6. Vogue – Madonna
If you fall flat on your face every time you move your feet, this dance may be a safer choice. All you have to do is make a little picture frame around your face using your hands. Advanced “Voguers” might want to throw in a “Blue Steel” for dramatic effect.
5. Cha Cha Slide – Mr. C The Slide Man
No one has ever figured out the proper way to do the “Cha Cha” part. Does it matter? Nope. FREEZE! Everybody clap your hands!
4. Single Ladies – Beyoncé
You can work that little Sasha Fierce hand twist all you want but you will never make it look this flawless. All hail Queen B.
3. Macarena – Los del Rio
If you don’t know how to do the Macarena, you’re lying. We’re '90s babies. We practically learned this dance before we learned how to walk. Our first words were "HEY MACARENA!" Okay maybe not...but you get the point.
2. Thriller – Michael Jackson
Zombies were totally cool before “The Walking Dead.” Just ask the King of Pop. He made strange twitching look like the coolest dance in the world, and no matter how old you are, you break out the claw-hands every time this song comes on.
1. Apache – Sugar Hill Gang
This song’s popularity shot through the roof when Will Smith and Carlton Banks created what is hands-down the best dance ever to accompany a song. The more violently you thrust your hips, the better.
Only child who regards all her friends as siblings - whether they like it or not. Obsession with all things pop culture, television, and theatre (verging on slightly unhealthy). Cant' remember the last time she went to sleep before 2am. Gets into heated arguments with anyone who thinks New York pizza is not the best food on earth.