The Worst People on the Comm Ave Bus

I’m going put it out there in the open: I have never been on the Newton Bus, unless I’ve gone from Conte to Mac, and I most likely will never travel longer than that distance on the Newton Bus. Thus, I will stick to what I know and talk about the Commonwealth Avenue Bus because I wouldn’t want to generalize, now would I? I know how Newtonites feel about their sacred weekend night bus trips back to Newton, and I won’t try to pretend like I know what that’s like for them. Now, let’s get to the bus scene that really matters and the most obnoxious people that inhabit it.

The kid taking up two seats on the way to the Beanpot

This really did happen to me: can you believe it? The bus was so crowded after the Mac stop that the driver refused to pick up the poor souls at the CoRo stop. I was practically kissing my friend because my mouth didn’t have any other place to go. Then, you have this nonchalant student in a seat with his leg casually chilling on the empty seat next to him. Sir, who do you think you are? People were taking pictures of him because of the absurdity of this man, and he was not phased in the slightest. When he got off at 2000 the bus broke out in laughter and “who the hell was that guy?”.

The kid trying to get on the bus before letting people get off

I understand it feels like negative five degrees outside right now. I understand you want to get a seat on the bus. Here’s my response.

The kid about to throw up on you

Don’t you dare. Spew chunks on your friend that pressured you to take the ten shots. Better yet, make good decisions, and let’s try to keep the puke on the Comm. Ave bus to a minimum.

The kids that don’t realize everyone else has gotten off and are transferring to the other bus waiting at Conte

You’re not personally affecting me but I hate to see the bus driver’s head blow off trying to tell you to get on the other bus, for Pete’s sake! You can sit there all you want but this bus is not in use anymore and just let the poor guy go on break already.

The sloppy BC Makeouts couple

These people are usually in cahoots with a bunch of their friends, even though they’re pretending like they didn’t want the picture taken. As if you’re not already being publicly shamed by the innocent bystander you’re practically making out on. “Oh my god, is this going on BC Makeouts?!” No, but I’d bet five bucks you secretly want it to.

The hoard of confused drunk people trying to figure out which stop will get them closest to Kirkwood

These types of people are more often freshmen than not. By junior or senior year, one would assume you’ve been through this confusion enough to know where you’re going, even after a couple rounds of pong.

The hoard of best friends that won’t shut up

Whether they’re intoxicated or sober, these groups of “super duper extra close best friends forever” love each other, and they don’t care who knows it! I’m glad you’re all looking forward to that party tonight at Johnny’s 8-man. Here’s the thing, though: the rest of us strangers on the bus don’t need to know all the details. Maybe I’m just jealous you have somewhere to go to tonight and I don’t, but either way I wish you knew how to hold a conversation without screaming.

The hoard of best friends taking selfies

I refuse to be gender specific about this one because there are in fact male students out there taking selfies on the bus.

John Paradiso / Gavel Media

John Paradiso / Gavel Media

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Managing editor. Lover of history and all things 1960s. Lives by the lessons of The Rocky Horror Picture Show: "Don't dream it, be it."