[Insert BC Dining Food Item], Please Leave

Whole Foods recently asked Chobani to leave its shelves after a long and well-known relationship. For some, this came as a shock, but ridding the stores of Chobani will make more room for small local producers and yogurt brands exclusive to Whole Foods. BC Dining takes pride in its work, and it is certainly far above par as far as college dining goes. Still, there is always room for improvement. It’s time for a one-on-one convo with dining service’s biggest tragedies.

Dear ____________,
Please leave.

Late night individual pizzas:
Take a glance at Webster’s dictionary. Pizza (n.): a dish made typically of flattened bread dough spread with a savory mixture, usually including tomatoes and cheese and often other toppings, and baked -- also called pizza pie. Ask a New Yorker about pizza and you’ll get a much more detailed and specific definition. You, Late Night “Pizza," are certainly not pizza. "Over-sweetened, round bread of disappointment with ketchup and copious amounts of cheese" is a better definition for what you are.

Mac’s General Tso chicken:
Microwave chicken nuggets soaked in a sugary glaze aren’t exactly appealing as a $10 meal. That’s broccoli swimming between your pieces, right? Sometimes it’s just hard to determine whether you are still clucking or whether you simply never clucked at all. Quality Chinese food can really hit the spot, but a dining hall version just isn’t going to cut it.

Lower Indian food:
For those who haven’t tried authentic Indian food before, the dining hall version leaves a horrible first impression. Calling you Indian food is more of a misconception than a celebration of cultural cuisine. How did you get such a rusty color? Also, what are the contents of each of those suspicious chunks? Wood chips, lawn mower clippings and dryer lint, perhaps?

Banana Nutella Spinner:
You really sound like a stunner. What could possibly be better than banana and Nutella twirled up like a sushi roll? As it turns out, just about anything. Your biggest issue is that you aren’t fresh. Sure, you are pretty cool. That’s just the result of sitting in a cold fridge for so long. But fresh? Not so much. A peeled banana sitting around in a tortilla all day will just never be good.

Photo courtesy of Gavel Media

Photo courtesy of Gavel Media

That said: mozz sticks, you better not think of going anywhere. Your crisp shell and gooey insides never disappoint.

Much love,
A Bitter BC Student

I'll pack my favorite red slippers when I become an astronaut. Colored pencil enthusiast, mother of parasites, part-time pilot. Runs in large circles and obsesses over dogs.