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Kelly Yu / Gavel Media

Diatribe: We Need to Hold BC After Dark Accountable

The Gavel's Diatribe acts as the satirical medium for short rants over topics ranging from complete triviality to utmost importance.

We need to hold BC After Dark accountable for its misleading and fraudulent activities. 

BC After Dark is an on-campus restaurant that serves burgers, curly fries, wings, and essentially any food an inebriated college student could ask for. It sounds like a pretty sweet place, right? No. Wrong. Never once have I received the curly fries I asked for.

After months of diligent investigation, I have discovered that BC after dark is lying to us. 

Following stakeouts, wiretaps, tips from anonymous sources, and comprehensive surveying, I've finally come to the scientifically-backed conclusion that BC After Dark is guilty of falsely advertising curly fries on their menu. 

Every time I step foot into BC After Dark, they serve straight fries instead of curly fries. Serving straight fries while advertising curly fries is an injustice to BC students and a threat to the institution of fast food everywhere.

Their misleading menu may not seem significant, but the detail of utmost importance is that BC After Dark only takes residential dining money. So, for those of us who are unfortunate enough to still be on the meal plan and have limited residential dining dollars, if we wanted straight fries, we would simply buy them from Lower using our regular meal plan money. Hence, this BC After Dark conspiracy against curly fry-loving students steals a substantial amount of money from what students refer to as their beloved “rez bucks."

There is nothing more important to a BC student than preserving their rez bucks to sustain them all year long. With that being said, it is incredibly disheartening when I order curly fries with my scarcest resource and receive luke-warm, soggy, unseasoned straight fries that I could have gotten at Lower. 

Is it a stretch to call this a cruel and unusual punishment? Is this karmic payback for cutting that freshman in line to purchase the last glizzy at Beanpot? Does this unethical and wicked curly fry plot go all the way up to Father Leahy? Do you agree with this? I definitely don’t. I don’t know how high up this plot goes, but I know as an investigative journalist, I will continue to dedicate my highly sought-after reporting skills to uncovering the truth and ensuring a just dining experience for BC students from all walks of life. 

Upon complaint, a UGBC sophomore representative has reached out to whoever’s in charge regarding the "straight" versus "curly" fry misunderstanding. This anonymous champion for the people has ensured the responsible parties are very apologetic and will try to clarify fry specifics on the menu, but I won't believe it until I see it.

BC After Dark, I’m onto you and your menu inconsistencies. Give the people what they want: curly fries.