Arthur Christory / Gavel Media

Hokey Horoscopes: October Edition

It’s Libra season, BC, and you know what that means: unfettered drama. We hope everyone is having a good semester so far, and if you are, we have some crushingly accurate horoscopes to squash your spirits down. As always, none of us here at The Gav’ are real astrologers (but then again, who is?) so take our recommendations with a grain of salt and a healthy dose of skepticism. 

Aries (March 21 – April 19)- You use working out as a substitute for having to develop an actual personality. We’ve all seen your Plex mirror selfies, and heard every excuse about how you can’t hang out because it was leg day yesterday and now you can’t walk. This October, try to find one non-Plex-related hobby to balance your time and energy. 

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): You live for spooky season. If it isn’t orange and green and creepy, you don’t want it. Remember not to drop all your money at Spirit Halloween this month, especially because you live in a dorm and have nowhere to store that animatronic witch when the season is over. 

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Halloweekend is still a month away and you can hardly sit still. You’ve had your Halloween costume planned since last October (or costumes, plural, in all likelihood). Remember that classes are still going on, and it’s midterm season, so keep your eyes on the prize. 

Cancer (June 21 – July 22): It’s October, turn off the Christmas music. It’s a miracle that none of your roommates have had a nervous breakdown from hearing Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas is You on your alarm every morning.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): Stop letting your heart get played by men who don’t know how to do their own laundry; you’re better than that. A stroke of romance is in your future, even if it’s as fleeting as your hand brushing against the clown’s in the haunted house you’re going to visit with your friends. 

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): You love to talk about the improvements Hafley could make to the football team’s offensive line despite the fact that you’ve never stayed through an entire game. This month, try actually watching a game instead of arriving late, scream-singing Mr. Brightside, and leaving early. 

Libra (September 23 – October 22): You’ve already planned your entire spring class schedule- advisor be damned. This may seem like a good idea now, but you’ll end up getting screwed when you get the absolute last pick time. We recommend maybe taking a chill pill, and perhaps accepting the fact that you’ll for sure be taking Rocks for Jocks despite the fact that you don’t need a natural science. 

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Somehow, you still have more than $2,000 on your meal plan. Since you’re looking for any excuse to blow some of that dining money, consider asking your class crush to lunch. You can always use the fallback that you’re just trying to avoid giving BC more money than you have to. 

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): We know that you’re overloading courses, president of three clubs, and working this semester. You tell us every day. All of your commitments are voluntary, and you can drop them whenever you want. Try doing something you enjoy for a change.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): It’s cuffing season and you’re looking for love! If you want to find it though, you’ll have to stop rejecting people based on your hyper-specific criteria. Give the cute boy with the glasses you said were “too purple” a chance this month!

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Finally! Your favorite Netflix show is returning with new episodes this month and you can stop complaining about the wait. But with that out of the way, what will you gripe about now? Perhaps how early your Cancer bestie starts Christmas shopping. 

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): You need to stop lying to yourself about studying in bed. You tell yourself you’ll be both productive and comfy, and you always end up taking a nap. Do yourself a favor, find an uncomfortable chair in O’Neill, and get some work done. 

MCAS '25, Communications. Probably thinking of Parks and Rec fan theories and counting down the days until camp as you are reading this.