Arthur Christory / Gavel Media

Hokey Horoscopes: November Edition

Happy November! It’s the season of giving thanks, spending time with loved ones, and trying not to cry at the Thanksgiving dinner table when your NRA-loving uncle brings up the midterms. We’ve specifically curated these horoscopes to tell you everything you need to know about the month ahead. They’re obviously infallible because they were written by an under-slept and overstressed Gavel editor, so treat these like the Gospel word. Good luck, BC! Only two more weeks until break…

Aries (March 21 – April 19): You’ve been setting new records in 2048 and doodle jump, but may we suggest actually taking notes during lectures instead of playing computer games? You can’t really blame your professor that you failed your Perspectives midterm when you didn’t write a single thing down all semester.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): You’ve had wall-to-wall midterms since September with no end in sight. Remember the wise words of Parks & Recreation’s Tom Haverford and “treat yo’self’ this month. Go on a Res walk, grab dinner with a friend; do something to break up the studying. We know you bury yourself in work to avoid thinking about your crush, but our lips are sealed. 

Gemini (May 21 – June 20): You are in love, you just don’t know it yet. Allow yourself to fall head over heels this November and admit your feelings for the Scorpio you’ve been watching from afar. Surprise them at work with a big grand gesture that shows them how you feel. They’ll love it, trust. 

Cancer (June 21 – July 22): You are fighting the urge to deck the halls this November. Every fiber of your being wants to play Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” loud enough that people could hear it when they get off the elevator on your floor, but your roommates refuse to start Christmas before Thanksgiving. Hang in there, they’ll come around. 

Leo (July 23 – August 22): You should not skip your hardest class because "you never understand what’s going on anyway." Pull yourself out from under the covers, buy an egregiously overpriced coffee from The Market, and muddle through that lecture. You got this, girlboss! You can reward yourself with a nap when it’s all over. 

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): You’re not actually more productive when you study at a cute coffee shop with a warm beverage and a pastry to keep you company. That’s just a lie you tell yourself so you can keep living your dark academia Pinterest lifestyle. But it’s okay, we all deceive ourselves during midterms season.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): You’re not ready for fall to be over. It’s getting colder, but you refuse to bring out that ugly puffer jacket because it would cover your cute fall sweaters. So you freeze on the walk from Lower Campus to Stokes. But it’s okay—your cute Christian Girl Autumn ‘fit warms your soul. 

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): You went out just one night this Halloweekend, and now you need three consecutive staying-in weekends to recover from it. Enjoy your cozy rom-com viewing nights, but don’t forget that your friends miss you. The best part of their night was you agreeing to come out with them.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): You went hard this Halloweekend. Three nights, four costume changes, and likely six different parties. You live for Halloween, and now that it’s over, you don’t really know what to do with yourself. But in true Jack Skellington fashion, you’ve probably already got next Halloween planned. 

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): It’s still two months away, but you have your birthday planned down to the second. You may claim to dread that day of the year, yet you always go above and beyond. In all likelihood, you probably have a weekend trip planned, or at least a very fancy dinner with all your friends and family. 

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): You tend to fall for finance majors and jocks that will break your heart and ruin your life, but November will turn that around. There’s going to be (or possibly already is) someone in your life that makes your heart rush. Please, for the love of God, and the good of your roommates, shoot your shot!

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): You listened to Taylor Swift’s Midnights twenty times through on the day it came out. We know it slaps, but if you don’t vary your listening habits, your November recieptify is going to be too embarrassing to post. Branching out could do you some good in other aspects of your life as well.

MCAS '25, Communications. Probably thinking of Parks and Rec fan theories and counting down the days until camp as you are reading this.

Comments