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Maggie Vaughn and Jyllian Foster / Gavel Media

Lovesick: No More Mr. Nice Guy

The Gavel's Diatribe acts as the satirical medium for short rants over topics ranging from complete triviality to utmost importance.

“Where’s my hug at?”

I don’t even know how to respond. In two breaths, this boy has rendered me speechless. Where do you even turn in a situation like this? My friends have ventured ahead already grabbing drinks and dancing. At this point, there is nowhere to lean but in. 

I honestly can’t remember his name so we will refer to him as Nice Guy #29027. (This is obviously a lie. If I could forget his name then I would have no reason to write this cautionary tale. Stick with me.)

I should make it clear that #29027 is not like most guys. He’s nice. Superbly nice and won’t let you forget it. In that way, he’s kind of endearing. I was really rooting for him. He has the kind of face that moms love and the kind of major that dads do. His jokes are terrible, but somehow they still make you laugh. Sure he may be a Republican, but you can give him a pass.

To the naked eye, he slides under the radar. Conveniently, my eyes are fully clothed. Something was immediately off, but I entertained it. 

What comes after the hug? 

In the songs that followed, I stuck by his side. If he’s a nice guy, then I’m a VERY SWEET girl. It’s fun to play along. It’s also fun to just have fun. We laugh and sing and I might have even spun around a couple of times.  Everything is great until he sees the girl from Perspectives, or the one from the Plex, or Charity Water. Or maybe it was the close friend of an especially close friend?

Too specific? Maybe. But, you get the point.

Just like that, he vaporizes into the crowd. I’m sure he’ll look around for me later…right? Maybe I’ll even get a text about how great it was to see me or a question about the rest of my night. Most likely, I’ll feel empty in the morning and confused as to what turned this nice guy off. Am I ugly? Am I really that bad of a hugger? 

As aforementioned, I’m not necessarily blindsided. Nice guys are a dime a dozen. However, I’m left feeling sick. Annoyed with myself for biting. Bewildered by passive rejection. How can someone who is sooooo nice be unkind? 

I don’t know the answer but I have a sense it’s Freudian.  

I do know that I’m no longer giving out free hugs. If you don’t know where your hug is at, I can confidently assure you it is not here.

Leave these boys alone and do your part to eradicate nice guys today!

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Enthusiastically from Southwest Virginia. Lover. Hater. Fan of four letter words.