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Katherine McCabe / Gavel Media

Diatribe: Diary of a White Liberal Man

The Gavel's Diatribe acts as the satirical medium for short rants over topics ranging from complete triviality to utmost importance.

You’ve heard about the stereotypical white Republican man that makes up a majority of BC’s admission class each year. You’ve probably had classes with them or seen them strolling into Fulton in a striped polo, khaki shorts, and some type of loafer. They’re an unspoken part of campus, but there is another group of men that have most recently begun to pop up around The Heights. The social justice warrior white liberal—also known as the starving artists—and potentially also known as the most insufferable people you’ll ever meet. Convinced that they have been put on this earth to cure society of its social ills, they move through life with an aura of superiority that is nauseating if you get too close. In an attempt to uncover more about their true intentions, beliefs, and actions, we’ve secured the diary of one of the most prominent white liberal men on campus: Sochal Justins Waryur.

 

Monday, 1/9/23

Dear Diary,

This is the first time I’m writing here in the new year and this break has given me a lot of time to reflect on who I am and who I want to be this year. As you know, I’ve tried really hard to make a class schedule for this semester that will teach me more about people I’ve never met or spoken to before. Like, for example, I’m taking a Black history course which is so important to me because I grew up surrounded by mansions filled with rich white families, and there was only one Black girl at my high school so I know very little about people of color. I do know though that I care so much about bettering people’s lives. I want everyone to be able to afford a Canada Goose jacket and a trip to Martha’s Vineyard every summer regardless of their race or class. I just think that this institution does so much to help uplift voices of color, like, there’s a whole AHANA center for people like them here. It’s inspiring, really. It makes me want to be a martyr. I want to stand at the forefront and protect everyone behind me as they fight for their rights in the world, which I’ve recently learned are different from mine. I guess I’ve just come to realize that we all live in a white man’s world, and as one of the few good ones, I can stand up and speak for those that have no voice.

 

Tuesday 2/14/23

Dear Diary,

Sad freaking Valentine's Day to me. I’m still single because apparently the girls here say I’m “patronizing” and “condescending,” whatever that even means. I just think they’re being crazy and they have no idea what they’re talking about. I think they just can’t stand to picture themselves with someone so self-aware and altruistic. I feel like the fact that I’m such a feminist should make me a huge catch on this campus, not to mention my involvement (and future presidency) in basically all the social justice clubs on campus!!! Talk about not wanting a powerful man in their lives. Alas, I will keep trying to find someone.

 

Friday 3/24/23

Dear Diary,

I went to the Liz Cheney event and man do I love the progressive speakers that come to campus. As someone who is also looking to follow in my dad’s footsteps, it gives me so much hope for my future. I’m honestly really grateful for nepotism; it gives me the ability to spend my time doing what I love (changing the world) without worrying about whether I'll be qualified enough for a job post-grad. I’ve also recently done a lot of thinking about how thankful I am to live in the progressive North, an area that can call itself free from racism, contemporary segregation, and bad politicians. I just feel so bad for the South: the people are so desolate and are basically our own version of a third-world country. But, I guess at the same time, progressive politics aren’t for everyone… and the people there voted red anyway so maybe they made themselves poor, uneducated, and underprivileged. I’m just happy to know that I live in a place that doesn’t have to deal with that at all! I love Boston!! Diary, I’m working really hard to better myself this semester and I think I’m doing a great job. I even decided to take one for the team and run for president of ALC! I’m happy to say I will be crusading the fight for the students of color on campus. I’ll make sure to keep writing to you to tell you how it goes. Toodaloo for now!

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Bleachers music enthusiast and hammocking fanatic. Hoping to make the world a better place through oxford commas, feminism, and bagels.

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