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Maggie Vaughn and Jyllian Foster / Gavel Media

Lovesick: To All the Senior Boys I've Loved Before

The Gavel's Diatribe acts as the satirical medium for short rants over topics ranging from complete triviality to utmost importance.

Girls like me are always in love. This isn’t as easy or lighthearted as one might imagine. However, life becomes more bearable when the ribbons of desire and affection are weaved in. Searching for any validation possible, I cast my net wide. All catches have not been equal in stature, both literally and figuratively, but they have all taught me so much. 

As I reflect on this academic year, I am both grateful and lovesick. 

If you know me—and so many of you don’t—it only makes sense that the first and last way I address you all is in a very public, yet distant way. 

To all the senior boys I’ve loved before,

The Future Senator: 

When I met you, college was still new and possibilities were endless. I dreamed that you would become some hot shot, yet humble, politician and induct me into a life of state dinners and cocktail party planning. I would have followed you anywhere, and I did: random off-campus houses, a cappella shows, and painful club meetings. It will all have been worth it when I can tell my kids their mom threw herself at a man who holds the prefix “The Honorable.”   

My Boston Good Old Boy: 

You can take the boy out of the South, but you can’t take the South out of the boy. While you are quite camouflaged at BC, a humor and face like yours can only be found below the Mason-Dixon. While our delusionship was marked by an intense period of homesickness and seasonal affective disorder, the feelings were real.

John Mulaney Lite: 

The first cut is the deepest. Pursuing you has got to be one of the most dramatic things I have ever done. However, I needed to be humbled. It was getting to my head—my stunning personality, face, and CRAZY BODY all in one?! Rejection via Instagram DM definitely did the trick! After months of avoiding you—and every other man who tells jokes for fun—I think I’m healed. 

Certified Tenor Boy: 

The brightest stars burn hot and fast. How can I describe love at first sight, or perhaps love at first song? Though I am convinced that you serenaded me at your Spring Café, I know your heart belongs to another. Something that I became assuredly aware of after I tapped all of my friends and connections to find out if you were single. The fault is in our stars, but potentially we could duet in the next life? I’ll be waiting.  

The One Who Got Away: 

This might read as a love letter because I am still not over it. Taylor Swift writes songs about boys like you. You’ve had me skipping to class listening to Lover all semester long! In my defense, a mullet is a powerful thing. I’ll miss looking for you in the campus crowd and gossiping about you with my friends. No matter how far away graduation takes you, nothing can separate you from my misplaced yet intense feelings.

Congratulations to these men. While you have missed out on the best thing that would have ever happened to you, commencement is nigh! You have successfully completed 4 (or 5!) years of Boston College and are now entering the real world. Your accomplishments deserve to be celebrated and I will definitely be enjoying a drink in your honor. 

I want to raise a toast to these crushes gone by: 

Here’s to the men of the Class of 2023

may we free them, 

may we forgive them, 

and may we forget them!

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Enthusiastically from Southwest Virginia. Lover. Hater. Fan of four letter words.

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